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kylorsmom
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| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Sunday January 13th, 2008 04:56 am |
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Post your funnies here.....
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kylorsmom
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| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Sunday January 13th, 2008 04:58 am |
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I'll start...I LOVE this one! oldie but goodie!
Why Men Have Better Friends....
Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
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April
Member
| Joined: | Thursday June 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | Waco, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 93 |
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Posted: Monday January 14th, 2008 08:35 pm |
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Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
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kylorsmom
Member
| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Monday January 14th, 2008 09:35 pm |
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| those are good!!!
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gar
Member
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Posted: Tuesday January 15th, 2008 10:46 pm |
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His & Hers Road Trip
HERS:
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1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
2. Opens window.
3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.
4. Arrives at destination presently.
HIS:
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1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
4. Finally rolls down window.
5. Hocks a loogie.
6. Pulls up to a 7-11.
7. Gets three hot dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.
8. Asks guy behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
9. Gets back into car.
10. Farts.
11. After he closes the door.
12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
13. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because Habib El-Mahawatashmin back at the 7-11 said it was.
14. Almost hits a deer.
15. Curses the night.
16. Curses you.
17. Curses the large slurpee.
18. Stops by the side of the road.
19. Takes a leak.
20. Still taking a leak.
21. Almost done.
22. I think.
23. Returns to car.
24. Drives and fiddles with radio.
25. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
26. Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
27. He hates your sister.
28. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
29. He had to look up pernicious.
30. Couldn't find a dictionary.
31. Finally found a dictionary.
32. Couldn't spell pernicious.
33. Seethes at the memory of it all.
34. But she is laughing inside...
35. And of course you're still lost.
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tcoats
Member
| Joined: | Wednesday July 11th, 2007 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 165 |
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Posted: Wednesday January 16th, 2008 03:04 pm |
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Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father
died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary
man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll
inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she
became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
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kylorsmom
Member
| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Wednesday January 16th, 2008 03:28 pm |
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| love it!
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jdtoney
Administrator
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Posted: Thursday January 17th, 2008 03:09 pm |
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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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tcoats
Member
| Joined: | Wednesday July 11th, 2007 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 165 |
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Posted: Thursday January 17th, 2008 03:11 pm |
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| Those are so TRUE!!
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gar
Member
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Posted: Thursday January 17th, 2008 07:25 pm |
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Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent
interaction between
an elderly woman and an antiwar protester
in a Metro station in DC
There were protesters on the train platform handing out
pamphlets on the evils of America .
I politely declined to take one.
An elderly woman was behind me getting
off the escalator and a young (20-ish)
female protester offered her a pamphlet,
which she politely declined.
The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as
a gesture of friendship
and in a very soft voice said,
"Lady, don't you care about the children
of Iraq ?"
The old woman looked up at her and said,
"Honey, my father died in France during
World War II,
I lost my husband in Korea ,
and a son in Vietnam .
All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad
mouth our country.
If you touch me again,
I'll stick this umbrella up your a55 and open it."
~God Bless America ~
Awesome Senior Moment
Last edited on Thursday January 17th, 2008 07:31 pm by gar
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trsyzdek
Moderator
| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 390 |
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Posted: Tuesday January 29th, 2008 07:55 pm |
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What is the worst thing you can do to a blind person?
Forget to take the plunger out of the toilet!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAha!!
     
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kylorsmom
Member
| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Tuesday January 29th, 2008 07:57 pm |
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that is wrong but SOOOO funny! ha!
I was just about to get on here and ask why no activity today! where is everyone?
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trsyzdek
Moderator
| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 390 |
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Posted: Tuesday January 29th, 2008 07:59 pm |
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| i dunno...i guess they're all too busy to entertain us today!!!
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kylorsmom
Member
| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Tuesday January 29th, 2008 08:01 pm |
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darn it!
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gar
Member
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Posted: Tuesday January 29th, 2008 09:02 pm |
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I am here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
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