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gar
Member
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Posted: Friday April 4th, 2008 09:00 pm |
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trsyzdek wrote: FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR ?
A: It's Braille for " suck here. "
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS ?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but " down under. "
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS ?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN ?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARRASSMENT ?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
HA I like those!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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gar
Member
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Posted: Friday April 4th, 2008 09:01 pm |
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Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men...that night all three will wear a leather bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet again......
The engaged girlfriend: "The other night when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and a mask. When he saw me he said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you"...then we made love all night long.
The mistress: "Ah! Me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say anything.....but we had wild sex all night."
The married one: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night. I got myself ready- leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband comes home from work, opens the door and says, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
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kylorsmom
Member
| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Monday April 7th, 2008 03:03 pm |
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AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, 'HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL.
"NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, A NICE BIG BED AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.''
MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED
AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES!
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trsyzdek
Moderator
| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 390 |
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Posted: Tuesday April 8th, 2008 03:48 pm |
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gar wrote: Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men...that night all three will wear a leather bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet again......
The engaged girlfriend: "The other night when my boyfriend came back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and a mask. When he saw me he said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you"...then we made love all night long.
The mistress: "Ah! Me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say anything.....but we had wild sex all night."
The married one: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night. I got myself ready- leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.
My husband comes home from work, opens the door and says, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
My husbands reply would be something along those lines!!!
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kylorsmom
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| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 04:45 pm |
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How's Norma?
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?' The operator said 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?' The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, 'Norma Findlay, Room 302.' The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.' After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, 'Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.' The grandmother said, 'Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.' The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?' The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit!!!!!'
True Story
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trsyzdek
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| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 390 |
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 05:24 pm |
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| thats great!!!!
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kylorsmom
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| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 05:26 pm |
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| if my grandmother would have thought of this...she'd do it! ;o)
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trsyzdek
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| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 06:58 pm |
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| i have called th dr office before while waiting in the room on the paper lined table. i was sitting in there for like 30 min and no one came in to see me. i called the dr office and told them my name and that i am in room #6 - did you forget about me???? the dr came in to see me like 15 min later and appologized - she had been in a meeting!!!! the staff booked apts knowing she was in a meeting!!
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kylorsmom
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| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 07:14 pm |
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| OMG...that's hilarious! I went yesterday and got there at 10:15 (appt was at 10:30) well at 10:55 i was getting up and just putting my purse over my shoulder and about to ask them for my $40 copay back that i had to go (i mean i was at work so i just thought it would be a quick thing). ANyways...about the time i was doing that she came and called my name! I was soooo mad.
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trsyzdek
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| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 08:23 pm |
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| i would have done the same. i just don't understand why they keep you waiting all that time as if we have all damn day! they could give explanations or just simply communicate with us to let us know what is going on...
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gar
Member
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Posted: Tuesday April 22nd, 2008 10:48 pm |
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Your story was cute!!
Sorry guys I have been so busy today and this was the first chance I could log on.
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kylorsmom
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| Joined: | Monday June 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Plano |
| Posts: | 240 |
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Posted: Wednesday April 23rd, 2008 03:18 pm |
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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!! His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker...'It's not talcum powder.....
It's 'Miracle Grow'.'
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gar
Member
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Posted: Wednesday April 23rd, 2008 03:39 pm |
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Ha that is a good one!!! 
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kylorsmom
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Posted: Wednesday April 23rd, 2008 03:46 pm |
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Some of you may have seen this...but it's great to re-watch! Its not a "funny" but its very inspirational....check it out!
http://video.stumbleupon.com/?s=ithct48cqw&i=ufcchmyxqsuj9vwsemax
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trsyzdek
Moderator
| Joined: | Wednesday August 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | Magnolia, Texas USA |
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Posted: Friday April 25th, 2008 06:13 pm |
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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it
would take a few inches off of your butt!
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such
a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom,
'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'
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